Don't take it personally

Gosh if I had a penny for everytime I took something a little bit too personally on a film set I might not need to work anymore. Ok, that's a little far fetched but seriously I've done this perhaps more than I would like to admit. That being said it is so easy to do and I'm not here to judge so if you've done it don't worry, its only natural.

I'm going to keep this blog brief but this is something that I really want to address. Maybe you're one of four Set PAs and they pick one of the PAs to stick with the B cam or to cue the actors and you think why didn't they ask me to do that? You might feel like you got over looked or that they don't think you can do it, you're not experienced enough or they don't like you. All of these things are your 'feelings' or things that you 'think' they're not fact and thats what you need to focus on.

When you get turned down for something or you never seem to get given more responsibility on set and you start thinking of reasons why stop and ask yourself - Is it a 'feeling' or a 'fact'? You do not know for a fact that the 3rd AD doesn't like you or the 1st AD doesn't think you're capable of doing it. You're making assumptions and taking things to heart - most likely because it helps you to justify how you're feeling from not being given the chance.

I've been there in that exact position wondering whether it's something to do with me, is there something wrong with me, am I not good enough, they don't like me, they won't let me do it because I'm a girl etc. The truth is that I don't know any of these things to be fact.

I just want to be clear here I'm not dismissing how you feel for one second. It absolutely sucks not getting the chance to show off your skills to your 1st AD and of course you can't help but think it's got something to do with you personally. And being told by other team members to just 'not take it personally' is rubbish and not very helpful at all. And please don't hide your emotions - show them because your emotions make you, YOU. You're not the one that needs to change - the way you manage your emotions and the support from your team is what needs to change.

I completed a Mental Health Awareness: Managing Anxiety and Uncertainty course with Screenskills recently and I would really recommend doing it if you get the chance (plus it was free!).

They mentioned different techniques that you can use to help you find balance amongst your thoughts and feelings. One that I really liked the idea of is the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Grounding Technique. When you find yourself having any of those conflicting feelings when something doesn't go your way try this to help you realise it's really not that bad.

Please also remember that you're not alone. Nearly everyone will feel this way at some point in their career and we should be talking about it more openly and not seeing it as a fault in someone. Please don't hide your emotions. Talk to your fellow PAs or your 3rd or 2nd AD and hopefully they'll help you see that it isn't anything personal.

One more thing is just to note that sometimes we get like this when we're reaching 'burn out'. This is basically when we've reached our stress limit. Perhaps you've been working really long hours, traveling for work or working with difficult cast/crew members. Whatever the reasons sometimes we reach our limit and we burn out - this is normal. Something we need to all do is to take better care of ourselves. Take more self care breaks during your day - even if it's just a few minutes away from set to catch your breath or a call to a loved one on your drive home.

I know that being an AD can be all consuming but I'm only now starting to realise that it doesn't have to be. There needs to be more balance and it'll take time to get there but we will get there - together.

TAR

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